12th Mar2005


by Dutchcloggie

scary word isn’t it….

you are looking at the doctor, waiting for him to use the word for the first time. You know that when he does, all you will hear from there on out is Possible Death. So let’s try and be reasonable about this. Any growth in the brain is a tumor so no need to assume imminent death right away. We are adults, we know how it works, no need to be afraid..

‘It might still be a bruise from the knock on your head but it is more likely to be the beginning of a low-grade tumour. It is still very very small so no……’

Tumour………..tumour………..it pounds in my head whilst I try to look relaxed and unconcerned. After all, it is not my brain this is happening to but JD’s (who by the way has now become a guest blogger here)

After the consult is over, a friendly nurse repeats what the doctor has said and puts it in perspective: if it is a tumor, it is in its infant stage. So small in fact that they can not even take a biopsy. So they have to wait for it to grow bigger before they can remove it. If it is a tumour. In 6 weeks time, there will be another MRI scan. If the dark patch on the scan has shrunk, it was simply a very hard knock on the head and a brain bruise. If it has not shrunk or even grown, it is a tumour. But for now, let’s not worry about it because it is obviously not a very fast growing one…..

And so we drive home. Advised not to go on holiday abroad until the proper diagnosis has been made and with the task of returning straight to hospital if JD feels dizzy, sick, headache or any pressure in her head.

I feel a strange sense of disappointment, although that is the wrong word I guess. This morning, we were told to prepare for a stay in hospital and possible biopsy surgery. You prepare for that, mentally and practically. And then you psyche yourself up all day. Only to hear that you should go home, relax and come back in 6 weeks.

This can not be happening to JD. This doesn’t happen to young healthy people does it?
Of course it does. And I know it does. But still, you just don’t think she might just be in the small group that gets this.

But let’s wait and see. It might just be a bruised brain. For now, we are taking a few days off to the South Coast of England. Walk along the sea front, breathe in the air. Talk, sleep, hold hands. And laugh. Because she makes me laugh.

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