16th May2005

And so it begins

by Dutchcloggie

A post from JD

..final exams to begin on Wednesday. And for those who are interested, the exams run as follows:

18th May PM Service Operations Management
19th May AM Entrepreneurship and Small Business
23rd May AM Marketing Analysis
1st June PM Finance
2nd June AM Operations Management

Yummy.

It doesn’t seem a lot but since the whole ‘going into hospital and having brain surgery’ thing kicked off they have seemed like an insurmountable task. But time passes and now they’re here. I can only do my best. But maybe my best will not be good enough as I am not happy with my preparation as I’ve found it very hard to concentrate without thinking about the surgery conveniently scheduled for the 6th.

I’m scared of not waking up. I don’t want M to be alone – that sounds really egotistical doesn’t it? I suppose it doesn’t matter for me as I would be gone but I want a few more tomorrows together. If I die it would be like I’ve been short changed by the bank of life. I’ve got new people to meet and a bestselling novel to write. Maybe some children? Definitely some cats. Fun job, money not important, but I’d like to be able to afford to travel. Taking M and exploring somewhere new. Just being in each others company. Outside somewhere lying on a patch of grass having a snooze. Anywhere really.

Maybe I’m just ranting because I’ve been inside working for the past few weeks. The tumour puts life in perspective. Exams are not important. I will not suffer too much if I don’t do so well but I would like to do well for my own satisfaction. I know what I am capable of achieving.

I’ve developed a highly tuned ‘shite filter’. If something isn’t important I ignore it. It amazes me how people can get wound up by the silliest things. I want to tell them to get over it and get on with their life. To do ‘something’ so that they don’t get to the end and feel that they’ve wasted their time. I understand that all too clearly now. If I live three more of my lifetimes again then I will be 84, which most would consider to be a good innings. So that’s another 63 years in which to do some decent living.

Or another 21 days.

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