13th Apr2009

Helping or rude?

by Dutchcloggie

JD is currently slow in everything she does. Her thinking and her acting. A quick shower is now an alien concept, eating with the TV on is impossible as she will end up watching TV with her fork suspended in mid-air on the way to her mouth as she is distracted by the box. Getting ready to leave the house takes forever since everything is distracting or requires a decision in some way (what to wear, what to eat etc)

Unless I help.

And this is a difficult thing. Do I wait until JD finishes the task at hand by herself? She is perfectly capable of getting dressed on her own. But it will take an age. So if we have to go somewhere, and I say: we need to leave in 30 minutes, I will frequently find her still undressed by the time it is time to go. So, what do I do? Keep reminding her to get going? Or do I say: Shall I give you a hand getting dressed so it will all go faster?

I feel bad for helping her to get dressed for example as she is physically able to do it herself. And mentally as well. it is just that it all takes forever and sometimes we don’t have forever.

Another thing that I am unsure about is how talk to other people about JD when she is right next to me. When we go somewhere and people ask how she is doing, what do I do? JD is quite slow in processing and not always able to make sense of the questions. So frequently, instead of answering, a long silence follows. People tend to be confused by this and end up looking at me. And so I answer. I don’t want to treat JD like a child or a mute but people then start talking to me about JD as if she is not there. I don’t want to be rude to people so I talk to them. JD will mostly just stand next to me, looking ever so slightly confused and I kind of feel bad.

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