I have now accepted that JD is not really able to remember things that she said she was going to do. It no longer irritates me or makes me upset.
What I can not get used to though is the continued lack of empathy towards other people (read: me). In normal relationships, and with us before the radiotherapy, if one of the partners hints at feeling unhappy or happy, the other partner usually picks up on that with a response or question. But at the moment, I could well be living on my own when it comes to that kind of stuff.
For example, I had my hair cut yesterday and I really really hate it. I want it cut again as it makes me feel really unhappy so I am off to the hairdresser again this weekend. I came home and needless to say JD did not notice I had a haircut. Fine, happens to many women every day. But when I said I had it cut and that I was unhappy with it, she did not say anything, did not ask why, did not say: it’s not so bad, or even; yeah, it is not very nice. It was just like she did not hear the part that included any emotion or emotional response. So she heard me say I cut my hair but the rest got a blank stare and she turned towards the TV.
So much for comforting your loved one.
Also last night, a friend told me I had said something that made her really unhappy. Good for her for telling me about it. I felt bad as I did not mean to upset her at all. So I mentioned it to JD. Who looked at me and said: I’m hungry.
This morning, I was having a shower, JD was in the bathroom as well and I mentioned I was not feeling happy today. ….silence….. I might as well have been alone in the bathroom.
It kind of leaves me feeling alone. Sure, I can mention it to friends who will be sympathetic and so on, but I miss having interaction with my wife.