Today we got the results of JD’s latest MRI scan. We had expected the results to be positive in some way, considering the massive improvements in JD’s health and cognitive functioning in the past few months.
Unfortunately this was not the case.
The doctor said that on the scans, they could see some new areas of tumour activity in the Corpus Callosum. The rest of the scan appeared stable but obviously having possibly new tumours is not good. It indicates that the chemotherapy is not working. They will discuss the scan in more detail tomorrow with the team and then get back to us but I am not hopeful.
This means that JD really is on the way to dying. The doctor says we are probably looking at about a year or so.
The sad thing is that JD is advised not to fly too much. So much for the plans we had to do some traveling around Europe. Paris is still an option by Eurostar but the Alps are out due to the altitude (which has an effect on the swelling of the brain, hence flying also not being a great idea). We are now going to go to Stockholm asap, now that JD can still fly.
The news has hit me really hard. I really feel defeated and deflated. I am overcome by a feeling of Nothing matters. Who cares about a healthy diet? JD is going to die anyway. Who cares if we spent all our money ? If JD wants that £150 ski jacket, who cares. She is going to die anyway. Why bother looking around for the best deals on our trips to Stockholm & Paris? JD is going to die anyway so who cares about money.
I want to cry and cry and cry. I want to get very Drunk. I want to throw stuff and break things. I want to hit someone.
But I can’t. Because JD wouldn’t be able to survive if I go off a cliff.