05th Apr2011

Today is the day Jane comes home.

by Dutchcloggie

Jane is coming home today with a raft of carers and nurses in tow. Apparently they have just introduced a new service in Northampton for community care that is organised in a more flexible way. Sounds good to me.

I know it was unrealistic but for some reason I had a picture in my head of Jane just being in our bedroom in the hospital bed, free of pain. Peaceful. But of course because she has trouble swallowing, she needs syringe drivers for some of her medication and this has dramatically changed the picture for me, making my house feel like a hospital. I am slightly overwhelmed by the enormity of the reality of our lives for the next few weeks.

Jane seems to be sleeping most of the time and if you ask me, it will be weeks, rather than a few months before we have to say goodbye to her. My God, I don’t know how I am going to cope with it. I miss having my family around for support.(Sorry mum & dad, I know you read this blog and I know it upsets you that your daughter is so far away and that you can not give me a hug when I need one but I am not going to hide the fact that it upsets me too).

Luckily my sister is coming over some time in the next two weeks and I suspect my parents will be here again soon as well.

I would like to hear from other people with experience of loved ones dying at home. At the moment, my ideal option would be for Jane to be home until a few days before death and then go to the hospice. I feel I can not deal with having her body in the house, undertakers running around etc. I am afraid I might not be able to sleep in the bedroom again after that. My nan’s sister said that she still has nightmares of when her husband died at home and all the things that happened after that. I know I might change my mind on this of course but I would like to know how other people feel about this.

5 Responses to “Today is the day Jane comes home.”

  • >Apart from hoping that Jane is free from pain, I must say that I have much admiration for your courage and honesty to prepare for the day to come, and to share it here. Many in the same situation tend to avoid this topic although everyone knows that the day will come, which makes it very difficult to offer help with. I think what you are doing is best for Jane, you, and those who care and wish to help you both. Do take care of yourself too and I hope your plan will go smoothly xxx

  • Wes

    >I am thinking of you both, I read your blog every time you post something new.

  • >Marieke, I thought to send you an email but am not at home, so no email address. Hence, send this publicly … With respect, your Nan and her sister are from another era. But they do have experience, which I don't.Consider keeping Jane at home through death. Stay with her for an hour or more afterwards. Just you. Talk with her. Then let her go to others. Walk with her then as they take her, out of the room, out of the house. It is not 'her'. She has already gone.This will be hard, but you will not regret it … I think you will be able to deal with it. I really do.

  • >I’d rather remember the two of you singing in the house when I came home from work than the pain you both have to go through now….fortunately you are one of the rare brave ones that stick with their love until the end. And I think that is exactly what you should do, care for her until the end. Although my brother is doing well at the moment I have seen him and his girlfriend confronted with death the last 5 years. Her determination to be there for him is the best gift she ever could have given, to both my brother and us as a family. He felt save by her….Jane will know that she is at home and feel save by you.

  • azaadstra

    >There is nothing to fear about where Jane spends her last hours as long as it is right for her. We nursed my dad at home but unfortunately he had to go to the hospice for his last few days (this was not really what he wanted). The problem is that whatever you plan circumstances may force your hand differently. Continue to be brave & do your best. Remember the strength of your love & let it provide comfort to you both. Amanda

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