29th May2011

Waiting for death

by Dutchcloggie

This morning, around 9.30, JD stopped breathing and turned purple. So I thought the end had come and I called the nurse. We sat with JD for 10 minutes, I cried. Then her breathing became regular again. And has been ever since.

Jane asleep in the hospice

Jane asleep in the hospice

It is now 3.50 in the afternoon. So a warning shot. Needless to say I have not left JD’s bedside since. Her mother came and left, having said her goodbyes and made her peace with anything that might still need peacemaking (sorry for crappy grammar). Then our friends K&R came along with ample supplies for the rest of the day, stating they were ready to stay as long as I want them.

And so we wait. I know there is not much time left. But how much or how little is a complete mystery. So it is a strange thing sitting here with friends, food for the evening, Ipads, books and crisps, waiting for death. Knowing JD, she will make us wait. And wait. And wait. Just because she can.

Just go, my angel. Just let go.

2 Responses to “Waiting for death”

  • >By reading your last blog, all the memories of my mums last days came back to me. Friday night was the last time I saw her conscious… sunday night she was gone… (just the moment I wasn't there). The waiting is heavy… but in a certain way these last moments (days, hours, minutes…) are also very precious. She is still there, you can let her know you're with her and tell her that you love her… I hated the fact that my mum was dying (god, how I recognised some of your earlier angry blogs!), but I would give anything to tell her one more time that I love her… I want to wish you all the strength you need. I've been thinking a lot about your "big day" Jos and I attended and I cherish these wonderful memories of the both of you… Jane is er één uit duizenden….Marieke

  • >Who am I to say, but maybe try to slow yourself down (physically but more mentally) to the pace of Jane's breathing. Take the journey with her, but on the outside. You are her 'ferryman'.

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