14th Jul2011

A good start

by Dutchcloggie

It does not happen often in our lives that we get the chance to completely stop what we are doing and re-assess our future. When it was clear Jane was not going to be with me for much longer, I started thinking about the rest of my life. Jane would be pissed off if I spent it in a job that I did not love, regretting what could have been. So even before Jane died, I knew what I was going to do: I was going to try and become a nurse. I have always wanted to be a nurse. I even applied to uni after school but did not go through with it because I was scared of the maths & sciene.

I checked the requirements and was told I need to get a Level 2 maths & English qualification.

Today I spoke to the university admission tutor for adult nursing and she told me I am a perfect candidate but I would also need a GCSE (high school qualification) in biology.
Today I did the English exam and passed with only 1 error. Next week I do the maths exam. Unfortunately the biology course will take a year, one night per week.

I want to make Jane proud of me. I want to try and do what she always said I should do. This is my chance to do what I dreamt of. To study. That is what Jane would want. I don’t want to go back to my normal life and regret it later.

I am so bad at maths and science. I am scared I will fail. But I will try my hardest. If I fail, at least I will have tried.

So today was phase one: the English exam. It was laughable, so easy. So I passed with only 1 mistake in 40 questions. I asked if I cold re-sit the exam as that one mistake really annoyed me. Next week there is the scary maths exam. And then I have a year to get a biology GCSE. In the mean time I am hoping do work as a carer to get back to working again. But today was a good start of the next phase of my life.

It will be a long, difficult road. But I am ready for it. If I fail, so be it. But there are no excuses anymore. No reasons not to try.

I just regret Jane won’t get to see me do it. But she’ll be with me all the way.

I miss you, liefie.

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