08th Aug2011

What the doctor said

by Dutchcloggie

Today I saw an oncologist and a radiologist. They walked me through Jane’s treatment and her scans. The outcome is basically that once the brain tumour came back in 2008, Jane was never going to survive it. Although they could have done different things, it would not have changed the outcome. She never really stood a chance.

Although that is upsetting, it also makes me feel better. I don’t have to doubt her treatment. There are no regrets, there are no What Ifs. It just was the way it was.

I now also understand why we were not given the full picture. It would not have made it easier for us to know in tiny detail that everything we did after October 2008 was just trying to put off her death. Sub-conciously we knew this, but it was never spoken out loud by her treatment team ( not the same people we saw today). I still would have preferred a little more info during her treatment but I understand how knowing everything would have made our last few years together depressing instead of hopeful. We would have lost the point to life.

I have many unanswered questions still But I now realise I no longer need the answers to them because it is inconsequential. I hope to get copies of her scans at some point and then I can show you what I saw today.

One of the most revealing things was that really brain tumour treatment is only one step removed from randomly stabbing in the dark. Scans don’t really show what’s going on. Patients might show deterioration or improvement for which no evidence is visible on the scan. So when I told the doctors Jane was getting worse, they were not hding the truth when they said the scan was still clear. They just couldn’t tell.

Time for a stiff drink…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Complete this maths puzzle to prove you are a human: *